My attack on Christmas
by Benoni Fogy

Preface: By no means am I one of the, as syndicated columnist Charles Krauthammer recently wrote, “annoying pettifoggers rising annually to strip Christmas of any Christian content.” I absolutely adhere to the pluralistic idiom, die and let die (we’re all expiring).

Most fact-finders now know that Santa is an anagram for Satan and that Christmas is a celebration aged about 200 years. Additionally, Dr. Malachi Z. York, one far mightier than I – whose shoes I am not worthy to shine, detailed Christ is a neology for the ancient-Egyptian Karast.

The compound of Christ and mass has degenerated into the word that is comparable in trickery to loaded dice, Christmas. Someone changed the tone from the “i” in ice to the one in tip, silenced the “t,” changed the tone from the “a” in map to the one in about, and threw away the final “s” – which didn’t stand for salt (you should be mellowed if you got that).

Who is the Chris in Christmas? Romans, who Christianized the pagan sun celebration to an observance of the son’s birthday, obviously made Jesus, titled Christ in Antioch (a place he never visited), the chosen one, not Chris. Perhaps it’s Kris Kringle, which has become synonymous with Santa Claus. That too corroded from a phrase about Christ, Christkindl – Christ and kindl (child), a German word for Christ child.

All free, great cities had religious centers for residents and sojourners who made pilgrimages to them. Adverse to religion’s international battles, they are excellent factors for harmonizing townspeople. Simple fact is, even the weakened reins of the original Egyptian stories are, if adhered to, successful at curbing everyone’s innate evil. Dear Christians, I advise you revert to saying Christ-mass instead of Christmas; they’re both disyllabic. Why’d someone feel the need to contract this segregated holy-day? This reminds me of Dr. York questioning why some say that Yashua, the Hebrew root of “Jesus,” is too difficult to pronounce when they easily vocalize Joshua.

If you are a fideist that subscribes to the belief that he is Christ, return that honorific which has been supplanted by the currently unknown Chris. Of course, this raises another issue – the word Christian.

Merry Christ-mass Christ-followers from yours truly, an anti-Chris (in the aforementioned stratagem exclusively).